At best, I guess I'll just hold out for my dream that there really is someone out there with
the means to resurrect a
beautiful sanctuary/rescue center with staff. Or at least someone who is willing to
accept me with all my critters that I currently have, wheather I continure to do wildlife rehab or not.
Someone who is the man of my dreams and the person I've always
longed for. Someone who doesn't feel that "making me his world" takes something away from him. Somone who can
be "my world" as well. Someone smart enough to appreciate that the beauty of life is much more enjoyable with
someone by thier side. Doing things together, whatever they may be as a team. I want someone who will wipe
away my tears, clueless as to why I am crying, .... because he didn't cause them. I want a smile on my face
because I know I am safe and loved and that I don't have to questions someones commitment to me.
I want to grow old with someone special by my side who actually deserves to have me there. Someone who makes
my life better, just because they exist.
I want somone who is not too set in their ways....someone who can merge their life with mine and vice versa. Someone who can "think outside the box" and "color outside the lines" with me. Someone who doesn't think he already knows everything. Someone willing to learn ... with something to teach. Someone who allows me to love them and loves me back fearlessly. Someone who will stand up for me and with me,....not to me. Someone who is secure and not controlling. Someone who gives me the benefit of the doubt. A partner, a best friend.
I want someone to be proud of me for a moment, in a way that I can feel. I want someone who can recover from a fight quickly and without destroying a relationship over something silly that could be worked out. I want someone who believes in "never let the sun go down on you angry." I want someone who is slow to anger and quick to forgive. I want somebody whom I can have fun with as well as be silent with, and it is all good. I want to be the person that somebody calls first to share the latest news with, a silly thought in their head, or come see something exciting. I don't want to be last on the list. I want to feel special and I want someone to be special to me. I want someone who will never hurt me the same way twice. Someone able to learn from a mistake and never repeat it. Just a solid, good-hearted person that I can wrap my arms around and the rest of the world disappears. Is this too much to ask? :)
I am a very strong person with a good head on my shoulders...always have been. I will survive and I will be happy. I have a great personality and a big huge heart.
The next chapter of my life will be very different as I will not repeat the same mistake twice. I am a very soft-hearted girl, and I do cry easily. I always have. But the next man in my life who sees tears streaming down my face better look at me and ask, "okay, who do I need to beat up for hurting you" because HE was not the cause of my tears.
In my heart, I am still 16, innocent and ready to fall in love as though nobody has ever broke my heart. The other part of me is the 18-year old who just had her first break-up with her first love. A part of me just wants to go out and run up to the first attractive stranger in a bar, drag him out on the dance floor during a nice beautiful slow song...wrap my arms around him & hang on for dear life. By the end of the song when we let go and he sees tears streaming down my face...he just looks at me and gently wipes them away. And with a smile on his face he softly says..."come on, let's go". We leave and go somewhere and he just holds me all night. Why? Because he "just knows" that is what I need. He nevers asks me anything, not even what is wrong...he just gives me the comfort of feeling safe and loved if only for a night. I leave quietly with only a hug and a smile from a stranger with no name, who was able to give me more in one night without sex and without words than anybody in my whole life has given me. Well, there is the fantasy I have in my head on the nights I cry myself to sleep. That is what I wish for at my lowest.
As far as what I want for my real life? I want that kind of tenderness and deep passion for someone who actually shares everything else with me also. But I want someone, not that I can't live without, I want someone I don't WANT to live without. I want to smile if I hear someone say his name. I want to laugh a week later at the funny thing he said that I can't get out of my mind. I want to feel that the 8 hours he was gone was pure torture becasue I ached so bad to be near him. I want someone who can look at me from across the room, see my face and know exactly what my expression means. I want someone tuned into me. Someone who may call me in the middle of the day out of the blue because he had a "feeling" something may be wrong. I want to be someone's FIRST phone call about something silly or exciting. I want to be the best friend that you can't wait to tell something to. I want to be the couple so in love that it makes other people sick when they see how happy we are :) These are the type of things I want.
I want someone to love me at the SAME time as I love them. Not someone who loves me long after I'm gone. I want someone who can add something precious to my life for once. Someone who actually cares about me...not just waht I can do for them. Someone who doesn't punish me for my honesty and someone who won't lie to me. Someone who wants to paint a picture with me, not stand next to me painting something different.
But, I really want a long life with somebody that means something. I am not an Anna Nicole Smith, looking for an old man to die and leave me money. LOL I at least want someone close to my age. Someone whose life isn't so set that I can't fit in or bring something new into theirs. I don't want someone still "playing the field" or someone who just wants a travel companion. I have been offered a zillion trips to here, there & everywhere. None of which are possible with my situation. As in "Pretty Woman", I want the fairy tale.
I want my partner in crime....someone I can laugh with. I want to dance around the living room with my man with the music cranked up and be completely silly. I want to drive to the middle of nowhere and make love in the back seat of a car under the stars. I want to dress up and eat out in a nice resteraunt with a man who can't seem to see all the other beautiful women in the room. I want to look into someone's eyes and know I am "home". I want someone to say something so beautiful to me that I want it etched on my tombstone when I die. I want to melt under someone's touch. I want to cry tears of happiness, not tears of saddness. I want to snuggle with someone at night and sleep well because I am content. I want someone who knows my heart and finds it valueable enough to protect. I want someone who will never hurt me the same way twice...someone I don't have to spend my life trying to forgive.
I want someone who I can't stop saying good things about and someone I can't thank enough for, for all he has given. I want somebody to proud of me, really proud. Not for what I do or don't accomplish...but for the person am. I want someone who knows that who you are as a person; values, beliefs and character are more important than where you live, what you drive, what you do or where you go. I want somone honorable that I can be proud of as well. I want someone to be my rock. Someone whose word is gold and a promise is not taken lightly. I want someone who takes risks and is not afraid or overly cautious.
I am not looking for cars, money, jewelry, vacations or anything of that value. I am looking for the person that is missing in my life. I am not looking to serial date, to shack up with someone, or have a nice arrangement. I am looking for my soul mate and the last man in my life. This time around I want to not only know that I am loved,...I want to feel loved. Outside of the ideal charcteristics of what someone should look like, of course I have an ideal...who doesn't. However, your character is way more important to me. I am not your average girl and am probably different than anyone you will meet. Therefore, my ideal man will love me for that and embrace me. We may not agree on everything, but will always communicate honestly and love firstly. I want someone who will hang in there with me when it gets rough because he knows that together we will make it better!
Life is short and I would like to live it! I really don't want to date forever either. I believe if and when you find the right person you will know it. When I find the right person, I will be willing to move to the ends of the Earth to be by his side. I have described the type of relationship that I would like, more than the type of person I would like. I don't want to make too many rules about who I'm looking for. The greatest person in the world for me might be a little different than I expect.
I want the next man in my life to be the one who should have been there from the beginning. I want someone to look at me and say, "what took you so long" I can't believe you started without me!" LOL Then I want to finish my life with some meaning and something happy and worth remembering by someone...long after I have left this life. I want do something that makes a diffence, if only a small one in this world...and I want to do something fun with someone I love and adore.
|If you love me, you'll put a ring on my finger and set a date. You will not throw me into the girlfriend role and drag your feet around and waste my time. If you love me, you will want to jump in with both feet and make life happen....not wait around to see if something better comes along. If you love me, you will accept my rescues and not ask me to choose you over them. It's not about who do I love more, but about what commitments have I made and how do we make it work. Falling in love again is about having something better, not giving something up. The next man I marry will say "whatever it takes!" Outside of that man, I prefer to be single. I am by no means a desperate girl. Anxious, yes, desperate, no. I'm not looking for a boyfriend, and I'm not looking to be somebody's girlfriend. A girlfriend is for now....a wife is forever!|